The follower I desired to dance with a while ago doesn’t captivate me as much now. I remember how her smile and apparent pleasure in the dance would make me desire to be able bold to dance with her. Several months after and a Denver festival on top, I am no longer afraid to invite her. I haven’t seen her in a while until recently in a milonga but was dancing mostly with friends I wanted to dance with.
Then a common friend and leader told me that I absolutely needed to dance with her. For him, she was at the top of the dancers in that milonga. She left before I could ask her. Then I realized that the fear was gone and had instead been replaced by curiosity. Tango can be funny…
Everytime I close my eyes I imagine myself dancing tango. I smile and a sense of bliss comes to me.
I imagine myself being good enough to lead a follower that I could not get my eyes out of on the dance floor. Is this a tango dancer crush? I didn’t dance with her. Maybe in some months I will see her again.
She also leads. When I close my eyes I imagine we dancing a tanda where we exchange leading and following (I love to follow too). A blurry 20 seconds role exchange after each music, giving the leader of the song enough time to feel the music. I imagine we closing eyes in turns and just smiling at the mutual pleasure of both roles in a dance. Of sharing with each other the roles interpretations. Of getting really intimate in the dance.
We actually introduced ourselves to each other early in the festival but after I saw her dance I was never bold enough to venture. I took the platonic route. That keeps alive the dream of a dance. There’s only one way to keep alive a platonic tango crush. And it helps if we go unnoticed
Dancing tango can be dangerous. The feelings it creates are so strong…
I feel my tango isn’t evolving as it should. I can see how I am being a bit trapped in technicalities for the time being. It’s keeping me from fully improvising to the music and to generate new ways to move around. This is partially due to the fact that my technique shortcomings still rank high on my things to improve
This is why I am becoming a bit tired of some classes. Of so much input to parse and let it grow in me. But specially, because I see that this Tango thing is hard. I’m musical, I’m sensitive and gentle, but I still lack technique. I feel thankful for the fact that I am very musical, which has made “well-known” followers ask me directly for a dance (how anti-cabeceo!!). Me, on the other hand, would never have. I always feel they just want to dance with the best dancers and doesn’t feel right to me to ask them. To rob them away from a great tanda with a great dancer.
But it is hard because no matter where you are in your tango stage, you always want to narrow down what is currently annoying you. What you really need to improve on. And why do you need to? Because every time you finish a tanda with a great dancer – be it technically or musically – you always feel you could have done a bit better. You could have given the woman a better dance. You feel that deep down, you may have disappointed her a bit.
It is only healthy if you want to improve to give the women better dances, not for your own ego. But those two are tricky to separate and wishful thinking is easy…
Is that the woman I’ve most enjoyed watching lately won’t have any chemistry with me. What I most desire is for her to have the smile I’ve seen on her face while dancing with me.
I am yet very padawan to venture asking her. And my shyness will always out-grow my abilities.