Tip to followers

You don’t need to turn down people that have been nice to you before just to be accepted to a clique.

I know a festival is a moment where you think you need to be accepted by others but perhaps being nice to the leaders that have helped you blossom will go a longer way than you believe.

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5 comments

  1. […] Tip to followers – You don’t need to turn down people that have been nice to you before just to be accepted to a clique.<br/› ‹br/› Ⅰ know a festival is a moment where you think you need to be accepted by others but perhaps being nice to the leaders that have helped you blossom will go a longer way than you believe. (tags: tango psychology festivals @fb ) […]

  2. True. However, there is a reverse. A follower does not have to accept a dance with someone whom she used to dance with but whom the dance now no longer works for whatever reason.
    And at a festival I usually do not dance with my “local” leaders because I believe that in a festival environment we should experience dancing with as many rarely seen, varied and new folks as possible. I do break that rule, but not often.
    That being said, being nice should always be the norm. Just because I may not plan to dance with someone does not mean that I am not going to say hello and ask how their experience is going.
    Be nice – yes.
    But don’t take a refusal as personal.

    • Hello Debbi. Let me try and address your points.

      I agree that no one needs to dance with people they don’t feel like dancing. That is fine. It goes both ways too. But I don’t see why this is relevant 🙂

      I agree with trying to dance with new people but it is easier said than done a lot of times. Followers do need to accept a request and a lot of times they do not even seem remotely receptive to requests or even interaction with people they don’t know (yet). Festivals are hard on everyone at different levels but it is still puzzling to me why most people make it harder than it should be.

      I’ve also had followers tell me that they’re looking to dance with different people and I have yet to know any fellow leader that takes that personally. What people take personally is rudeness and atypical behavior. I’ve experienced both. Needless to say, a little class goes a long way.

      Oddly enough, cliques mostly only dance with themselves. This brings the collective energy of the festival down and brings us all back to high school. I have now realized that there are grown up festivals (as in, beyond college) and some that are more like high school. 🙂

      You hit the nail with your last paragraph. Being nice should always be the norm. Unfortunately, being nice was not what I witnessed and what compelled me to write the post.

      • See, now all of that tells more of the story. If you read your initial post as though you were not the author of it, you might see why I wrote what I did. It seemed a little sour grapes.
        A kind refusal should always be the norm.
        I was just at a festival and it is always interesting to see how people react and interact. I am convinced there is a psychology thesis within the walls of a milonga. 🙂

        • Well, there’s at least a couple more related to the dance itself but not really psychology.

          Locating the tango: Place and the nuevo social dance community
          by Merritt, Carolyn P., Ph.D., Temple University, 2008 , 297 pages; AAT 3320019

          Sensuous and Gendered Embraces: An Investigation into Tango Dance Practices
          Mia Helmer Jensen
          Dance Anthropology
          MA Dissertation: DAN060L760Y

          I don’t think that there’s anything unusual about tango world if you think of the personalities that end up thriving in the communities. Changes with cities, countries, etc.

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